LGBTQ+ Adoption and Fostering Week: Martin and Josh

As part of LGBTQ+ Adoption and Fostering Week, Martin and his partner, Josh, have shared their story to help those from the LGBTQ+ community who are considering adoption.

Tell us about when you first met, and when you began talking about the possibility of adoption?

We met online back in 2009. I was living in Cardiff at the time and Josh was travelling around Germany with a tour company. We talked for hours every day online.

Following the tour, Josh returned to Wales, and we met up face-to-face and our relationship blossomed from there. In 2012, we got a civil partnership but renewed our marriage in 2019.

Josh always wanted a family, but never felt it would be possible due to his sexuality. However, I (Martin) felt indifferent and wasn’t sure if children would be a part of my future. But, my feelings towards family changed as our relationship grew.

We put in an enquiry to adopt a child in 2015 but unfortunately, the process didn’t go any further at the time, so we decided to expand our family by welcoming our rescue dog, Chico.

We spent a few years just as a couple and Chico. Then one day, when I was working, I met someone who told me about Western Bay Adoption Service (WBAS), but I didn’t look into it at the time.

Then in 2019, we both went to PRIDE Cymru in Cardiff together. As we were walking around, we saw a booth for National Adoption Service for Wales – it felt like fate, so we went over to chat with their team.

 

What did you think adopting as a same-sex couple would be like?

We were both nervous as we were born to a generation where it wasn’t the norm for same-sex couples to be seen as a normal family unit in society.

I thought about the negative aspects that may affect us, and more importantly our child.

However, with the support of our social worker, family, and friends, we quickly felt reassured and focussed on the positives – becoming a family.

 

What did you know about the adoption process before you applied to adopt?

Before enquiring to adopt, we didn’t know anyone else who had adopted so our knowledge of adoption was quite limited. However, during the process we met couples, including same-sex couples, who we are still in touch with now.

Most of the research we did came during the adoption process. WBAS provided helpful material to read, and we went on training courses which were beneficial. This gave us the fundamental groundwork for adoptive parenting.

Our social worker was also positive and helped us understand each stage of the process.

Since we’ve adopted, I have noticed that recently more of our LGBTQ+ friends have adopted too, so we can offer advice based on our own experience.

 

What strengths do you feel being an LGBTQ+ couple has brought to your parenting?

We are so proud to be able to offer a happy and caring home for our little one.

I think our life experiences together have made us become great parents and enabled us to overcome any challenges – books and research will only get you so far.

We have both worked, travelled, met so many people and experienced many things which help us in our day-to-day parenting.

As a same-sex couple, we feel honoured to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community and breaking barriers and stereotypes LGBTQ+ adopters in rural communities such as the Welsh Valleys.

 

Has your child asked questions about having two daddies, and how did you explain it to them?

We try to be an open book with our child. If they ask questions, we will answer them to the best of our ability and in an age-appropriate way that they understand.

Our child has asked about their mother, and we have told them they had a birth mother and the reason why they have been adopted. We currently do letterbox contact with the birth parents.

We have also kept in touch with the foster carers. They have become an extra branch of our family tree. We felt this was so important for life journey story work, and to be an extra support network for our child as they know the earlier memories of their life. We meet up together around four times a year.

 

What’s your advice for other LGBTQ+ individuals or couples considering adoption?

Our advice for any same-sex couples or LGBTQ+ individuals thinking about adoption is to just do it. Make an enquiry. It’s been such an amazing journey and has given us our special family.

---

Posted at 5:44 PM, 07/03/2024 | Back to the Blog

---